7 Body Language

7 Body Language
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They’ll learn to listen, speak, read, and write—to
Note:DALL ASILO AL UNIVERSITÀ

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not a single hour of instruction on how to communicate with body language.
Note:LACUNA

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“over 90 percent of communication is nonverbal.”
Note:UN MITO CON UN FONDO DI VERITÀ

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serenity and anxiety, excitement and boredom, pride and shame—as
Note:COSA CI FINISCE DENTRO

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trust and distrust, self-assurance and self-doubt, intimacy and formality, loyalty and defiance.

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making friends, falling in love, and negotiating our position in a hierarchy.
Note:A COSA SERVE

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arm movements

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torso positioning,

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facial expressions, eye behaviors, touch,

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tone, timbre, volume, and speaking style.

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better at reading emotions
Note:GIÀ ALL ASILO SONO I PIÙ POPOLARI

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So why is it left out of the curriculum?
Note:MISTERO

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we’re largely unconscious of the messages we’re sending with our bodies.
Note:COMINCIAMO COL NOTARE CHE

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we might expect to be hyper-aware of it.
Note:QUEL CHE MI ASPETTO VISTA L IMPORTANZA

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Leonard Mlodinow says in Subliminal
Note:ESPERTONE

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We feel it’s appropriate for people to act spontaneously.
Note:È ANCHE UNA PREFERENZA...VOGLIAMO CHE SIA COSÌ

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Consider the glad-handing salesman who
Note:ARTEFATTO

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“I don’t know, it’s just a feeling.
Note:ANCHE LA PERCEZIONE È INCONSAPEVOLE...ANTIPATOE

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Darwin noticed this.
Note:GIÀ LUI LO NOTAVA

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One answer is that consciousness is simply too slow to manage the frenetic give-and-take of body language.
Note:PRIMA POSSIBILE RISPOSYA

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Consciousness is also too narrow.
Note:FARE UNA COSA ALLA VOLTA

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humans are strategically blind to body language because it often betrays our ugly, selfish, competitive motives.
Note:LA RISPOSTA...INCONSCIO XCHÈ MENO SOGGETTO A IPOCRISIA

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Alex Pentland and Tracy Heibeck,

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most are honest, providing benefit to both senders and receivers.

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SEGNALE

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A cue is similar to a signal, in that it conveys information, except that it benefits only the receiver.
Note:UN BENEFICIAT

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sweaty palms

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shortness of breath

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rubbing one’s neck

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poker players or police interrogators
Note:I MASSIMI ESPERTI

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HONEST SIGNALS: WHY ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
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“No, I can’t explain the dance to you. If I could say it, I wouldn’t have to dance it.”—Isadora Duncan
Note:ARTE AUTENTICA

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they aren’t anchored to anything fundamental.
Note:LA PAROLA È UN SIMBOLO ARBITRARIO

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“thank you,” instead of “merci”
Note:PWRCHÈ? BHO

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Body language, however, is mostly not arbitrary.
Note:AL CONTRARIO

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We show emotional excitement, for example, by being physically excited:
Note:ESEMPIO

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we show interest by widening our eyes

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signals are shared across cultures.
Note:SPESSO

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body “language” isn’t just a way to communicate. It’s also functional; it has material consequences. If we lunge aggressively toward another person, for instance, we better be prepared to fight.
Note:FUNZIONALE QUINDI ONESTO

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inherently more honest than verbal

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Signals need to be expensive so they’re hard to fake.
Note:HARD TO FAKE

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differentially expensive—
Note:DEVONO CREARE INA GERARCHIA

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Larger and healthier males are capable of making deeper, louder, and more frequent calls—
Note:IL RICHIAMO AMOROSO DEL KOALA

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This helps guarantee their honesty,

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An open posture makes a person vulnerable,
Note:SEGNALE ONESTO DI PACE

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to hug someone when you feel threatened by them,
Note:ANCORA

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it’s this quality—honesty—that makes body language an ideal medium
Note:IL MEDIUM IDEALE

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SEX
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our ancestors were mating for millions of years before learning to speak,
Note:ANTENATI

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flirting, come-ons, playing coy, seduction
Note:ATTIVITÀ DOVE IL BL È CENTRALE

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encouraging sexual modesty.
Note:IN TUTTE LOE VULTURE

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not to advertise
Note:NASCONDERE

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norms are crucial to keeping the peace,

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crucial to keeping the peace,
Note:FUNZIONW

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husbands and wives
Note:PARTI IN CAMPO

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ex-lovers

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new lovers,

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parents

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we find ways to skirt the norm of modesty.
Note:MA

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flirting discreetly, dressing suggestively,

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dressing suggestively,
Note:MEZZI

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“I think you’re cute,”
Note:NESSUNO DIRÀ MAI

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the entire pas de deux is choreographed nonverbally—a
Note:XOREOGRAFIA

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eye contact.
Note:FONDAMEMTALE

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intense and prolonged

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especially hard for third parties to notice,
Note:IL PUNTO DI FORZA

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uncross her arms,
Note:LEI

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smile invitingly,

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turn her body toward

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mirror each other’s posture.

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bubble of personal space
Note:ISOLARSI

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touch each other,
Note:SULLA SPALLA

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dance floor,
Note:MISURARE IL COORDINAMENTO

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—Ben might remain oblivious to Alison’s
Note:BACIAMI STUPIDO

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LUI UN PO TONTO...LEI BACIAMI STUPIDI

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much of the thrill and drama of courtship lies in struggling to decipher the other’s mixed signals.
Note:IL BELLO

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“play coy,” attempting to hide
Note:LEI GIOCA ALLA RITROSA

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LA DONNA

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requiring men to put more effort
Note:MESSAGGIO IMPLICITO

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Sexual jealousy is another cross-cultural human universal,

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jealousy is another cross-cultural human universal,
Note:ALTRI UNIVERSALE

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mate-guarding.
Note:ATTIVITÀ DISSIMULATA

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“tie-signs”—
Note:IMPEGNATI...ES MANO NELLA MANO

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È MIA

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handholding,

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arm-on-shoulder,

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Pheromones
Note:ODORE E AMORE

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ants and bees to pigs and dogs,

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Farmers, for example, can buy a pheromone that causes female pigs

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buy a pheromone that causes female pigs to assume a mating stance.
Note:MONTA

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TECNICA DEL FATTORE

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Women asked to smell T-shirts worn by different men were more attracted to men who had complementary immune systems
Note:BENEFICO PER I FIGLI

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gay men preferred the sweat of other gay

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there’s at least some chemical basis
Note:UN MINIMO È INNEGABILE

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POLITICS
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social grooming among primates isn’t just a hygienic activity;
Note:COME L ANTENATO TESSEVA LE SUE ALLEANZE

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picking dirt and parasites

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primates forge alliances
Note:LEVANDO SPORCO E PARASSITI

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brushing, braiding, and other haircare activities.
Note:ABBIAMO MENO PELI MA LI UTILIZZIAMO ALLA STESSA MANIERA

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!Kung San hunter-gatherers of southern Africa,
Note:COME LE DONNE FORMANO GRUPPI ESCLUSIVI

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pat, pet, cuddle, hug, shake hands, clasp shoulders, and kiss
Note:GESTI COMUNI

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We hunch our shoulders or cross our arms.
Note:POSIZIONE DI ALLERTA...SE CI SENTIAMO MINACCIATI

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we let our guards down—
Note:IN PRESENZA DI AMICI

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vulnerable posture,

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showing our palms,

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relaxing our shoulders

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We narrow our eyelids
Note:OCCHI...QUANDO PEECEPIAMO UNA MINACCIA

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quick nod and “eyebrow flash”
Note:QUANDO RICONOSCIAMO L AMICO

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mimicry
Note:COPIARE E LEADERSHIP

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call-and-response routines common in religious
Note:Es

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the boss who initiates the end of a meeting,

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a faux pas for a subordinate to get up and leave

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“turn our backs”
Note:METAFORA X TRADIMENTO

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“open up.”
Note:METAFORA X CONFIDENZA

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handshake,
Note:DUE SALUTI...1 OGGI

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hand-kiss,
Note:2 IERI

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Shaking hands is symmetric and fundamentally egalitarian;
Note:L ALTRE È SOTTOMISSIONE

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press his lips on another person’s (potentially germ-ridden)
Note:METTEESI A RISCHIO

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liable to glance over his shoulder, lean in, and lower his voice.
Note:PRIMA DI UN PETTEGOLEZZO MALEVOLO

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what he’s about to say requires discretion.
Note:SIGNIFICATO

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He’s letting you know that he trusts you
Note:FIDUCIA

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SOCIAL STATUS
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obsessed with our status, taking great pains to earn it, gauge it, guard it, and flaunt it.
Note:LA NOSTRA OSSESSIONE

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high-status individuals have less to worry about in social situations.
Note:PIÙ RILASSATI

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speak clearly, move smoothly,
Note:GLI AFFERMATI

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more open posture.

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constantly monitor the environment
Note:INFERIORI

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prepared to defer

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speak hesitantly, move warily,

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“Look at me!” strategy is known as aposematism.
Note:LA CONFIDENZA DEI PRESTIGIOSI...ATTACCAMI!....TIPICA DELL ANIMALE DOMINANTE

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more likely to get attacked—

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the biggest male lion

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why poisonous animals, like coral reef snakes and poison dart frogs, wear bright warning colors.
Note:ECCO SPIEGATO PERCHÈ

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wearing bright clothes,
Note:TRA GLI UOMINI TECNICHE APO

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sparkling jewelry,

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shoes that clack loudly

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headdresses,

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blaring boom box

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take up more space,
Note:IL PIÙ PRESTIGIOSO

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hold eye contact

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speak with fewer pauses,

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interrupt more frequently,

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set the pace and tenor of interaction.

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typically defer
Note:CHI STA N BASSO

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granting him or her more leeway,
Note:FARE SPAZIO ALL ALTRO QUANDO SI CAMMINA

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accommodate to match the gait of the higher-status
Note:IL PASSO

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social awkwardness

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ESITO DEL MANCATO ACCORDO SULLO STATUS...IMBRANATURA

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sitting across from a rival colleague,
Note:DISAGIO

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how we change our tone of voice
Note:Ttttttttt

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25 interviews on the Larry King Live show.
Note:OGGETTO DI UNO STUDIO

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Larry King adjusted his vocal patterns
Note:CHIOCCIO CON I PRESTIGIOSI

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the relative social status of the two candidates—as measured by tone-of-voice accommodation—accurately predicted who would win the popular vote
Note:ELEZIONE PRESIDENTE...STUDIO DEI DIBATTITI

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dominance and prestige.
Note:DUE VARIANTI DELLO STATUS

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able to intimidate others—
Note:DOMINANZA

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won by force,

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avoidance instincts:
Note:CODA TRA LE GAMBE

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doing impressive things or having impressive traits—
Note:PRESTIGIO

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Meryl Streep or Albert Einstein.
Note:ESEMPI

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approach instincts.
Note:MIO CUGGINO

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eye contact is considered an act of aggression.
Note:SE CI CFR CON UN DOMINANTE

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“stealing” quick, furtive glances.
Note:IL SOTTOMESSO

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personal information as the key resource that dominant individuals
Note:FONTE DEL POTERE

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eye contact is considered a gift:
Note:QUANDO LO STATUS VIENE DAL PRESTIGIO

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attention (rather than information) is the key resource,
Note:LA FONTE DEL PRESTIGIO

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status one of the trickier domains for humans to navigate.
Note:PRESTIGIO E DOMINIO SI MESCOLANO RENDENDO TUTTO PIÙ COMPLICATI

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one of the best predictors of dominance is the ratio of “eye contact while speaking” to “eye contact while listening.”
Note:PREDITTORE DI DOMINANZA

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visual dominance ratio.
Note:BATTESIMO

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for the same fraction of time while speaking and listening, your visual dominance ratio will be 1.0,
Note:ALTA DOMINANZA

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low dominance.
Note:0,

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Rarely do we have to ask ourselves, consciously, “How should I hold my arms?
Note:ttttttttTUTTO INCONSCIO

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WHY WE’RE UNAWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE
Note:Tttttttttttt

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at odds with the interests of others, which can easily lead to conflict. That’s why societies have so many norms
Note:NORMARE I POTENZIALI CONFLITTI

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body language gives us just the cover we need.
Note:PACIFICATORE

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it’s considerably more ambiguous.
Note:UNA CARATTERISTICA DEL BL

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a feature rather than a bug—
Note:MA L AMBIGUITÀ HA UNA FUNZIONE

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crass to announce, “I’m the most important person in the room”—
Note:GENEREREBBE CCONFLITTI

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simply by splaying out on a couch or staring at people while talking to them.
Note:SOSTITUTI DISCRETI

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“I’m attracted to you,”
Note:ALTRO ANNUNCIO FASTIDIOSO

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a smile, a lingering glance, or a friendly touch on the wrist
Note:SOSTITUTI

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plausible deniability
Note:LASIARE APERTA UNA PORTA DI SICUREZZA

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easier to avoid accusations

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his accuser has misread the situation.
Note:DIFESA TIPICA

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if his wife accuses him,
Note:ACCUSA DI FLIRTARE

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Peter himself may not even be fully aware

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Body language also facilitates discretion by being less quotable to third parties,
Note:DIFFICILE DA SPIEGARE...DA FORMALIZZARE

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if Peter had asked his flirting partner out for a drink, word might get back to his wife—
Note:LE PAROLE SONO PROVE CERTE

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It allows us to pursue illicit agendas,
Note:L AGENDA ILLECITA

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reasons we’re strategically unaware
Note:ECCO XCHÈ NN S IMPARA E NN SI INSEGNA

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reluctant to teach it

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