la brutta notizia

 La brutta notizia.

Un giorno invecchierai, sarà un periodo in cui starai male un giorno sì e un giorno no e da infermo avrai bisogno di aiuto anche solo per fare le scale o per spostarti, non parliamone per fare la spesa, probabilmente avrai una qualche forma di demenza se non addirittura l'Alzheimer, le tue opportunità sociali saranno molto più limitate e forse resterai solo per lunghi periodi. Puoi liquidare questo come temporaneo se vuoi, ma il copione è sempre stato un altro: "ti prendi cura dei tuoi figli quando sono troppo piccoli per prendersi cura di se stessi e loro si prenderanno cura di te quando sarai troppo vecchio per prenderti cura di te stesso". Anche se il saldo difficilmente sarà a tuo vantaggio, si tratta di un copione che ha ancora molto da offrire. Sono sorpreso che sempre più persone non comprendano questa elementare ragione egoistica per avere figli, se possono averli. Personalmente penso che un ostacolo risieda nella bizzarra ideologia moderna che insiste sul fatto che tutto ciò che le persone hanno sempre fatto ora è molto più difficile, contro ogni evidenza.

https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/i-regret-to-inform-you-that-we-will

QUEL CHE FAI PER I FIGLI

QUEL CHE FAI PER I FIGLI

Svantaggi: è quasi sempre inutile.

Vantaggi: non te ne penti mai.

Come definire qualcosa di inutile che non costituisce uno spreco? Qualcosa che conta senza gratificare?

Non esiste una parola, bisognerebbe inventarla

DOTTORESSA CAMPIOTTI

NON C'E' STATO IL TEMPO

DOMANDA (io): Dottoressa, lei ci invita a “contenere e accogliere” il figlio adolescente, quasi a significare che ora questi ragazzi siano respinti e in conflitto aperto. Ma come conciliare questo quadretto con quello che ci propongono continuamente i media, ovvero quello di una generazione di bamboccioni? Se penso ad un bamboccione, penso a un tale esposto ad un eccesso di “contenimento e accoglienza”.

RISPOSTA (io travestito da Dott. Campiotti): L'incompatibilità è innegabile, provo però a fare qualche ipotesi per sanarla. Diamo per assodato che il fenomeno dei bamboccioni esista. Chiedo: all’origine c’è forse la famiglia? No, non solo la famiglia: è il contesto generale che preme in una certa direzione. I nostri ragazzi vivono più sicuri ovunque: a scuola, sulla strada, al campo di allenamento… Ovunque. C'è una gara nel preservarli. C’è quasi un’isteria legislativa per la loro salvaguardia. Ora, la sicurezza dei ragazzi è auspicabile ma produce un effetto collaterale: li rende più sensibili. A volte eccessivamente sensibili. Noi ci adattiamo all’ambiente cosicché vivendo sotto una campana di vetro le paure potrebbero paradossalmente aumentare. La famiglia deve allora tarare il suo intervento su questa nuova sensibilità sconosciuta alle generazioni precedenti. Intervenire ruvidamente su chi ha la pelle dura è un conto, farlo su un ragazzo già pieno di ansie e insicurezze è un altro. Ricordiamoci che anche il mondo in cui entreranno non sarà aspro quanto quello che abbiamo dovuto affrontare noi. Non riceveranno mai la cartolina per andare in guerra. Nemmeno quello per fare la leva militare. Né la guerra, né la leva servono più. A loro si chiederà altro

CARA SARA

CARA SARA

Cara Sara, sono la dottoressa Campiotti.

Tu dici che, nonostante i metodi ruvidi di tuo padre, sei “venuta su bene”. Arrivi addirittura a ipotizzare che la sua brusca razione nel momento del bisogno – l’incidente automobilistico di cui parli – ti abbia addirittura temprato. In ogni caso non sembra averti nuociuto.

Quanto dici insinua dubbi sul mio consiglio di “accogliere e contenere” l’adolescente. Non è inutile? Ma io ti chiedo: se tuo padre avesse risposto alla tua richiesta di soccorso dicendoti “arrivo subito, stai tranquilla, l’importante è che non ti sia fatta nulla…” pensi forse che non saresti “venuta su” bene? Io parto dall’assunto che saresti “venuta su” altrettanto bene.

Ora, mettiti nei miei panni. Secondo te che risposta dovrei consigliare ad un genitore che riceve dal figlio una richiesta di soccorso? La prima o la seconda? Se ritieni che sia con la prima che con la seconda il figlio “verrà su” bene, è chiaro che la risposta da consigliare è la seconda. Se ritieni che la risposta non intacchi l’educazione del figlio, allora è giusto pensare al suo benessere. 

A volte noi mescoliamo due temi: l’educazione e il benessere. Io stessa, forse, annuncio una conferenza che ha per tema l’educazione dei figli quando invece parlerò del loro benessere :-) 

WISH LIST

WISH LIST
Un genitore si prodiga avendo una serie di desideri per il futuro del figlio. Ecco una lista:
1. Salute.
2. Intelligenza.
3. Felicità.
4. Successo.
5. Carattere.
6. Valori.
7. Comportamenti (sesso, crimini…)
8. Stima.

In genere, tranne che per l’ottavo punto, i suoi sforzi sono vani  per il raggiungimento degli obbiettivi.

FARE LA DIFFERENZA

FARE LA DIFFERENZA

Vuoi veramente incidere sulla vita di tuo figlio?

Adotta un bambino del Terzo Mondo.

DISCIPLINA E REGOLE

DISCIPLINA E REGOLE
Io sono un fan delle regole.
Purché finalizzate alla buona convivenza, non alla buona educazione.

Quindi: poche, chiare, con sanzioni lievi da applicare immediatamente.

COME TRATTO I MIEI BAMBINI

COME TRATTO I MIEI BAMBINI
Quando dico che i figli sono quelli che sono e cambiarli è difficile, c’è sempre chi mi dice “quindi conta poco come li tratto?”. La mia risposta standard: “conta forse poco come tratti tua moglie?”.

Quando la gente parla dei bambini è ossessionata dal futuro. Quasi non esistessero qui ed ora.

VUOI DAVVERO UN FIGLIO PERFETTO?

VUOI DAVVERO UN FIGLIO PERFETTO?
Fallo con una persona perfetta e avrai qualche speranza.

IL MESTIERE DI GENITORE

IL MESTIERE DI GENITORE
Il mestiere di genitore è un mestiere duro. La parte più dura è il confronto con gli altri genitori. Non vogliamo essere criticati, non vogliamo sfigurare ma soprattutto non vogliamo ammettere a noi stessi che non vogliamo né critiche né brutte figure.

Ecco allora un ambito dove il genitore non deve astenersi ma darsi da fare: liberarsi dal confronto. Vi libererete al contempo da un vizio e da mille oneri.

VUOI DAVVERO UN FIGLIO DA “SCOLPIRE”?

VUOI DAVVERO UN FIGLIO DA “SCOLPIRE”?
Adotta dal terzo mondo

LA CRETA NELLE NOSTRE MANI

LA CRETA NELLE NOSTRE MANI
I bambini sono creta nelle nostre mani?

No, sono elastici nelle nostre mani.

LA PREGHIERA DEL BUON GENITORE

LA PREGHIERA DEL BUON GENITORE

“Dio, concedimi la serenità di accettare le cose che non posso cambiare,

il coraggio di cambiare le cose che posso,

e la saggezza per discernere tra le due”.

Oggi sappiamo che la prima capacità invocata sovrasta la seconda. Quanto alla terza, dopo secoli di buio, la scienza ha acceso il suo lume negli ultimi 25 anni.

HL 2 THE CASE AGAINST GUILT: A PARENT’S GUIDE TO BEHAVIORAL GENETICS

2 THE CASE AGAINST GUILT: A PARENT’S GUIDE TO BEHAVIORAL GENETICS
Note:Nat/Nurt: dove tracciare il limite? Storia dei Friedman e del bias con cui li giudichiamoCome districare nat/nurt: adottati+gemelli+gemelli adottati separatamenteLa wish list canonica di un genitore: i 7 pilastriSu cosa incide l' educazione? Sulla stima genitore/figlioLa qualità dell' evidenzaEducazione e ambiente non sono la stessa cosaCosa differenzia 2 gemelli cresciuti sotto lo stesso tetto? L' analisi va fatta su 3 fattori, non su due.Dell' ambiente unico fa parte anche free willEducazione: effetti diretti e indiretti. La tesi è rafforzata dal bundle effect

Note | Page: 37
2@@@@@@@@@

Yellow highlight | Page: 37
KIDS BORN TODAY REQUIRE FOOD AND SHELTER, JUST AS THEY DID a hundred thousand years ago. Meeting these basic needs is far easier than it once was—we
               
Note:CIBO E VESTITI

Yellow highlight | Page: 37
Moms’ and dads’ central objection is that if they cut corners, they risk their children’s future.
               
Note:PERCHÈ NON PRENDERSELA COMODA

Yellow highlight | Page: 38
Their heads fill with images of lazy parents
               
Note:ccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 38
Nature wins, especially in the long run.
               
Note:LA NETURA VINCE

Yellow highlight | Page: 38
This may sound discouraging. No parent wants to hear that his sacrifices have been in vain.
               
Note:IL LATO SPIACEVOLE

Yellow highlight | Page: 38
HOW TO TELL NATURE FROM NURTURE
               
Note:tttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 38
We tend to see their physical similarity as hereditary.
               
Note:FISICO E PSICOLOGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 39
In contrast, we tend to see their psychological and behavioral similarity as proof of the power of parenting.
               

Yellow highlight | Page: 39
the typical family seamlessly blends biology and upbringing.
               
Note:INUTILE STUDIARE LA FAMIGLIA TIPO

Yellow highlight | Page: 39
two kinds of families are special: Families that adopt, and families with twins.
               
Note:CIÒ CHE SERVE

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
there are two kinds of twins: identical and fraternal. Identical twins share all of their genes.
               
Note:DUE TIPI DI GEMELLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
Fraternal twins share only half of their genes—no
               
Note:cccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
if identical twins resemble each other more than fraternal twins, the reason is probably nature.
               
Note:LA PROVA DEL NOVE

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
twins who were separated and raised by different families.
               
Note:L'ESPERIMENTO PERFETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
If identical twins raised apart are more similar than fraternal twins raised apart, the reason almost has to be nature. If twins raised together are more similar than twins raised apart, the reason almost has to be nurture.
               
Note:CONDIZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
The result is a new discipline—behavioral genetics—and
               
Note:È NATA UNA NUOVA DISCIPLINA

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
Identical twins are much more similar than fraternal twins—even when separated at birth—and their similarity often increases as they age.
               
Note:ESITO

Yellow highlight | Page: 40
By the time adoptees reach adulthood, however, this resemblance largely fades away.
               
Note:NATURA FLESSIBILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 41
EXPLAINING VARIATION
               
Note:ttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 41
If you raise a child in a closet and make sure he never hears a word, he won’t learn how to speak.
               
Note:SCARTIAMO I CASI ESTREMI

Yellow highlight | Page: 41
Most twin and adoption studies focus on people raised in advanced Western countries in modern times.
               
Note:IL CONTESTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
If a mix-up sent a Haitian baby to food-rich America, and an American baby to hungry Haiti, the effect on height could be massive.
               

Note | Page: 42
cccccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
NURTURE AND ENVIRONMENT ARE NOT THE SAME
               
Note:ttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
No two people have exactly the same environment. Two children who live under one roof have different teachers and friends.
               
Note:L'AMBIENTE È UNICO

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
researchers equate “nurtured in the same way” with “were raised by the same people.”
               
Note:CONVENZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
Any feature of children’s environment that varies despite the fact that they were raised by the same people. Researchers call such features “unique environment” or “nonshared environment,”
               
Note:AMBIENTE ORIGINALE O NON CONDIVISO

Yellow highlight | Page: 42
Anything from peers, germs, and television to parental favoritism, dumb luck, and free will could qualify as unique environment.
               
Note:LIBERTÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 43
Instead of picturing a two-way race between nature and nurture, picture a three-way race
               
Note:TRE FATTORI... NON DUE

Yellow highlight | Page: 43
The fact that genes don’t explain everything does not imply that family environment explains the rest.
               
Note:SPIEGAZIONI RESIDUALI

Yellow highlight | Page: 43
NATURE AND NURTURE: DIRECT VERSUS INDIRECT EFFECTS
               
Note:TTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 43
If researchers report that genes affect income, for example, the reason might be that genes matter for intelligence, and intelligence matters for income.
               
Note:EFFETTI DORETTI E INDIRETTI.... COME DISTINGUERE?

Yellow highlight | Page: 43
Since researchers bundle together direct and indirect effects, their results are a lot stronger than they look. Suppose an adoption study finds that nurture doesn’t influence smoking. A parent could not reasonably object, “Right, but since peers influence smoking, and parents influence peers, I still matter.” The flaw in this argument is that a normal adoption study includes any and all indirect effects.
               
Note:ROBUSTEZZA DEI RISULTATI

Yellow highlight | Page: 44
MEASURING NATURE AND NURTURE EFFECTS
               
Note:ttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 44
The clearest measures come from a thought experiment I call “Switched at Birth”:
               
Note:ESPERIMENTO IDEALE PER LE PROBABILITÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 45
if your counterpart in the thought experiment is in the 51st through 55th percentiles, I’ll call that a “small” effect. If he’s in the 56th through 65th percentiles, I’ll call that a “moderate” effect. Anything more I’ll call “large.”
               
Note:CONVENZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 45
THE PARENTAL WISH LIST: CAN PARENTS MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE?
               
Note:tttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 45
you’d still prefer your kids to become healthy, smart, happy, successful, virtuous adults who share your values and appreciate
               
Note:LA LISTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 46
The underlying assumption is that parents have the power to grant their own wishes.
               
Note:cccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 46
WISH #1: HEALTH
               
Note:ttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 46
Parents pressure their kids to eat right, get fresh air and exercise, brush their teeth, and stay away from tobacco and drugs.
               
Note:MANGIAR SANO ECC.....

Yellow highlight | Page: 46
The main rationale for health-related nagging is to instill healthy habits
               
Note:cccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 47
Parents don’t affect life expectancy. Major twin studies find no influence of family environment on life span.
               
Note:SPERANZA DI VITA

Yellow highlight | Page: 47
Parents have little or no effect on overall health. There’s more to health than staying alive.
               
Note:SALUTE GENERICA

Yellow highlight | Page: 48
Parents don’t affect height, weight, or teeth. We all want our kids to grow up to be tall and fit, with sparkling white teeth.
               
Note:PESO ALTEZZA DENTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 48
Parents might have a small effect on smoking, drinking, and drug problems.
               
Note:FUMARE BERE DROGARSI

Yellow highlight | Page: 49
WISH #2: INTELLIGENCE
               
Note:ttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 50
One misreported study about “the Mozart effect” led moms to play the classics for babies and fetuses alike.
               

Note | Page: 50
MOZART EFFECT

Yellow highlight | Page: 50
parents have little or no long-run effect on their children’s intelligence.
               
Note:INTELLIGENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 51
WISH #3: HAPPINESS
               
Note:ttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 51
Good parents want to make their children happy. In the short run, they often succeed.
               
Note:FELICITÀ NEL BREVE

Yellow highlight | Page: 52
The most striking evidence on nature, nurture, and happiness comes from the Minnesota Study of Twins Reared Apart. Twins raised apart were more alike in happiness than twins raised together.
               
Note:PATADOSSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 52
The same goes for self-esteem.
               
Note:STIMA

Yellow highlight | Page: 52
Unhappy adults like to blame their problems on their parents’ lack of love and support. According to the best evidence, however, both groups are wrong.
               
Note:GENITORI COME FONTE DI INFELICITÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 53
WISH #4: SUCCESS
               
Note:tttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 53
Strangers often advise you to follow your dreams, but parents are more likely to tell you to get your head out of the clouds.
               
Note:IL CLASSICO CONSIGLIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 53
Being a successful lawyer is more fun than being a failed actor.
               
Note:cccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 53
success roughly equals high income and a fancy degree.
               
Note:SUCCESSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 53
Successful parents may give their kids a small edge, but heredity is much more important. Kids literally inherit educational and financial success from their parents.
               
Note:IL SUCCESSO EREDITATO

Yellow highlight | Page: 54
Parents have little effect on how much school their kids get.
               
Note:SCUOLA SCELTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 55
twin researchers conclude that children’s families have no long-run effect on educational success.
               
Note:POCA INFLUENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 56
Parents have no effect on grades.
               
Note:VOTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 56
Parents have little or no effect on how much money their kids make when they grow up.
               
Note:REDDITO

Yellow highlight | Page: 58
WISH #5: CHARACTER
               
Note:ttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 59
We want our children to grow up to be men and women of substance—of character.
               
Note:IL DESIDERIO DI UN GENITORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 59
“Maybe I can’t affect his IQ or his income, but I can control whether he grows up to be a decent person.”
               
Note:L'ULTIMO BALUARDO DEI GENITORI

Yellow highlight | Page: 59
Parents have little or no effect on conscientiousness or agreeableness.
               
Note:EMPATIA E SELF CONTROL

Yellow highlight | Page: 61
Parents have little or no effect on criminal behavior.
               
Note:COMPORTAMENTO CRIMINALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 62
WISH #6: VALUES
               
Note:ttttttr

Yellow highlight | Page: 62
When your side does it, it’s “education”; when other sides do it, it’s “brainwashing.”
               
Note:EDUCAZIONE E LAVAGGIO DEL CERVELLO

Yellow highlight | Page: 63
Parents have a big effect on religious labels, but little on religious attitudes and behavior.
               
Note:RELIGIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 65
Parents have a big effect on political labels, but little on political attitudes and behavior.
               
Note:POLITICA

Yellow highlight | Page: 66
Parents have little effect on traditionalism and modernism.
               

Note | Page: 66
IDEOLOGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 66
Like other personality traits, openness is largely unresponsive to upbringing.
               
Note:CURIOSITÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 67
Parents have moderate influence over when their daughters start having sex, but little over their sons.
               
Note:SESSO E AMORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 68
Parents have little or no effect on teen pregnancy.
               
Note:GRAVIDANZE

Yellow highlight | Page: 68
Parents have little or no effect on adult sexual behavior.
               
Note:ANCORA SESSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 69
Parents may have a small effect on sexual orientation.
               
Note:ORIENTAMENTO SESSUALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 69
genes are far from the whole story—if you’re gay, your identical twin is usually still straight.
               
Note:NON SOLO GENI

Yellow highlight | Page: 69
Parents have little or no effect on marriage, marital satisfaction, or divorce.
               
Note:DIVORZIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 70
Parents have little or no effect on childbearing.
               
Note:GRAVIDANZE

Yellow highlight | Page: 71
WISH #7: APPRECIATION
               
Note:tttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 71
To me, it’s more important to deserve my children’s appreciation than to get it.
               
Note:L'AMORE DEI FIGLI PER I GENITORI

Yellow highlight | Page: 72
Out of all the wishes on the Parental Wish List, “good memories” are one of the few that clearly depend upon how you raise your child.
               
Note:L'AMBIENTE QUI È DECISIVO

Yellow highlight | Page: 72
BEYOND THE EXTRAORDINARY
               
Note:tttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 72
“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” But behavioral genetics comfortably passes Sagan’s test.
               
SEGAN TEST

HL 3 BEHAVIORAL GENETICS: CAN IT BE TRUE—AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

3 BEHAVIORAL GENETICS: CAN IT BE TRUE—AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Note:.... e quindi?3 conseguenze: 1 guilt free 2 tratta bene i tuoi bimbi senza paura di renderli mollaccioni 3 fai altri figliCome coordinare buon senso e studi: breve e lungo xiodoBambini argilla e plasticaCome tratti tuoi bambini conta poco. Proprio come conta poco come tratti la moglie.

Note | Page: 75
3@@@@@@@@@@

Yellow highlight | Page: 75
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.
               
Note:L ERRORE DEL GENITORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 75
too counterintuitive to believe.
               
Note:REAZIONE AGLI STUDI SUI GEMELLI CRESCIUTI SEPARATI

Yellow highlight | Page: 75
too depressing to embrace.
               
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 75
Parents’ short-run effects are much bigger than their long-run effects.
               
Note:PRIMO CAVEAT

Yellow highlight | Page: 75
Upbringing has lasting effects on appreciation, and religious and political identity.
               
Note:SECONDO CAVEAT

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
guilt free.
               
Note:PRIMO EFFETTO DELL INNATISMO RELATIVO

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
Treating your kids with kindness and respect,
               
Note:SECONDO EFFETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
Having more kids—while
               
Note:TERZO EFFETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
having time for yourself.
               
Note:QUARTO EFFETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
Show more modesty, and get more happiness.
               
Note:L ATTEGGIAMENTO GIUSTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
“WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE—ME OR YOUR OWN EYES?” NATURE, NURTURE, AND FADE-OUT
               
Note:Tttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 76
There is a simple way to sync science and common sense: The short-run effects of parenting are larger than the long-run effects.
               
Note:SINC TRA SCIENZA E BUON SENSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 77
FADE-OUT AND INTELLIGENCE
               
Note:Ttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 77
Twin and adoption research on young children’s intelligence always finds nurture effects.
               
Note:SE UNO NN CTRL CON IL FADE OUT

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
Nurture effects were largest for the youngest kids under observation, four- to six-year-olds.
               
Note:GRANDI EFFETTI SUI GIOVANI

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
By the time the adoptees were age seven, however, two-thirds of this nurture effect was gone. By twelve, nothing was left.
               
Note:DISSOLVENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
FADE-OUT AND INCOME
               
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
Swedes have almost no financial privacy;
               
Note:IL PARADISO DEI RICERCATORI

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
Family has a moderate effect in your early twenties.
               
Note:GLI EFFETTTI SUL REDDITO CAMBIANO CON L ETÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
By the time your adopted brother reaches his late twenties, however, the effect of upbringing on income completely fades out—and
               
Note:SISSOLVENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
FADE-OUT, CRIME, AND OTHER BAD BEHAVIOR
               
Note:Ttttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 78
a 2002 study of almost 7,000 Virginian twins found little or no effect of family environment on adult antisocial behavior.
               
Note: EFFECT EDU

Yellow highlight | Page: 79
The moral: Parents are pretty good at putting their children on the right track, but not so good at keeping them there.
               
Note:CONCLUSIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 79
FADE-OUT AND RELIGION
               
Note:Ttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 79
moderate nurture effects.
               
Note:PICCOLO EFFETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 79
During childhood, the nurture effect is big. If you’re more religious than 80 percent of kids, we should expect your adopted sibling to be more religious than 68 percent.
               
Note:RELIGIONE A HREVE

Yellow highlight | Page: 79
but the effect on his behavior and beliefs will largely vanish.
               
Note:Cccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 80
We often compare children to clay. When they’re soft, you can mold them into any shape you like; after they harden, they stay the way you made them. What common sense and science tell us, however, is that children are more like flexible plastic.
               
Note:CONC GENERALI...I BAMBINI NN SONO CRETA MA ELASTICI

Yellow highlight | Page: 80
At some point during your childhood, you probably announced, “When I grow up, I’m going to do things my way!”
               
Note:MITO DELL INDIPENDENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 80
THE POWER OF PARENTING: CAN REBELLION SAVE THE DAY?
               
Note:Ttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
parents have big effects, but their efforts backfire about half the time.
               
Note:ALTRA INTERPRETAZIONE ALLO ZERO EFFECT...RIBELLIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
Intelligence: Your dad watches sports all day long, so you seek refuge in books.
               
Note:ESEMPIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
Happiness: Your mom tells you to cheer up, so you sulk just to spite her.
               
Note:2

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
Character: You’re habitually late to annoy your rigidly punctual dad.
               
Note:3

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
I doubt I’d be such a nerd if my dad and brother weren’t sports fans,
               
Note:ANDIAMO SUL XSONALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
GENETIC DETERMINISM VERSUS PARENTAL DETERMINISM
               
Note:tttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
“Genetic determinism”
               
Note:L ACCUSA AL NS APPROCCIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
genes fully control our parenting
               
Note:IL MIO È UN LIBRO SELF REFUTING?

Yellow highlight | Page: 81
Twin and adoption studies never claim that genes fully explain
               
Note:ASSUNTO SBAGLIATO

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
a truly popular dogma: parental determinism.
               
Note:IL LIBRO È UNA CRITICA A....

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
“His parents raised him well.”
               
Note:SE UNO HA SUCCESSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
“Just look at the parents.”
               
Note:DALLA PIANTA SI VEDONO I FRUTTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
there’s a lot more to “the environment” than the family.
               
Note:XCHÈ NN SI POSSONO FARE PREDIZIONI

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
One of my sons is a better bicyclist, the other a better swimmer.
               
Note:DA PADRE DI GEMELLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
researchers have failed to explain why
               
Note:AL MOMENTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
Personally, I doubt that scientists will ever account
               
Note:OPINIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
free will.
               
Note:UN FATTORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 82
embracing behavioral genetics and free will at the same time is at least consistent
               
Note:MOLTI LO RITENGONO ASSURDO

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
“nonshared environment”
               
Note:IL DOMINIO DELLA LIBERTÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
LINGERING DOUBTS
               
Note:TtttttttttDUBBI ALLA TESI ESPRESSA

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
I’m convinced, but not certain.
               
Note:CI SONO MOLTI STUDI MEDIOCRI ANCHE SULLA GENETICA

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
Behavioral geneticists usually assume, for example, that genetic effects are linear—two copies of a gene have twice the effect of a single copy.
               
Note:PRIMO ASSUNTO DUBBIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
Cutting-edge studies of the children of twins find bigger effects of parenting
               
Note:ALTRA FONTE DI DUBBI

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
research focuses on middle-class families in First World countries.
               
Note:LA FONTE PIÙ IMPORTANTE DI DUBBI

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
Twin and adoption studies also tend to ignore the poor in First World countries.
               
Note:POVERI

Yellow highlight | Page: 83
Adoptees almost never grow up in lower-class homes,
               
Note:DIFFICOLTÀ A RECLUTARE I POVERI

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
Families like yours have been studied to death.
               
Note:TU NN TEMERE QS LACUNA

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
WHAT THE SCIENCE OF NATURE AND NURTURE MEANS FOR PARENTS
               
Note:Ntttttttt TTttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
False hope in the power of nurture leads to wasted effort
               
Note:INCIDENZA DELL CONCLUSIONI DEL LIBRO

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
LIGHTEN UP
               
Note:Tttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
relaxed parenting is a free lunch:
               
Note:ANXORA SUL SIGNIFICATO DELLE CONCLUSIONI

Yellow highlight | Page: 84
How much pain can parents safely avoid?
               
Note:DOMANDA DURA

Yellow highlight | Page: 85
If your parenting style passes the laugh test, your kids will be fine.
               
Note:REGOLA A SPANNE

Yellow highlight | Page: 85
I see why parents of grown children resist my message. They’re proud of their kids and don’t want some genetic accountant telling them to write off their investments.
               
Note:UNA BUONA NOTIZIA CHE SUONA DISTURBANTE

Yellow highlight | Page: 85
What’s puzzling is the resistance of people who are still midstream.
               
Note:CONTESTAZIONI INCOMPRENSIBILI

Yellow highlight | Page: 85
illusion of control. Flying is about 100 times safer than driving, but many of us feel safer behind the wheel.
               
Note:COME SPIEGARE LE REAZIONI SCHIFATE...AEROPLANO

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
the truth should come as a great relief.
               
Note:COME DEVE PRENDERLA UN GENOTORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
if nature matters as much as I claim, you won’t be able to turn your kid into the next Einstein
               
Note:NEXT EINSTEIN

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
give him the gift of life, feed and water him, don’t lock him in a closet, and life will take care of the rest.
               
Note:IL BUON GENITORE...AFFIDATEVI A DIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
“Step back and trust that you raised your kids right.”
               
Note:IL CONSIGLIO CHE SI DÀ DI SOLITO AI GENITORI DEGLI ADOLESCENTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
step back and trust not in your parenting but in your genes.
               
Note:IL CONSIGLIO X TUTTI I GENITORI

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
peer pressure.
               
Note:PROBLEMA ALTRI GENITORI....IL GENITORE RILASSATO INDICATO AL PUBBLICO LUDIBRIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
Most parents are too exhausted by their own overparenting to pay much attention to yours.
               
Note:LA SPERANZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
they’ll probably keep their opinions to themselves to avoid conflict.
               
Note:L INTERESSE DEGLI ALTRI

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
In modern society, we meet most of our needs in the marketplace, not our neighborhoods.
               
Note:ANCHE LA DISAPPROVAZIONE ESPLICITA NN HA CONSEG GRAVI

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
CHOOSE A SPOUSE WHO RESEMBLES THE KIDS YOU WANT TO HAVE
               
Note:Tttttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 86
The most effective way to get the kind of kids you want is to pick a spouse who has the traits you want your kids to have.
               
Note:LA MIGLIORE STRATEGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
Married couples are fairly similar in health, intelligence, education, income, criminality, and values—all
               
Note:GIÀ OGGI...IL CONSIGLIO É INUTILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
Behavioral genetics urges us to get pickier.
               
Note:AGGIORNIAMOCI

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
Another implication: The macho, irresponsible “bad boy” is an even worse deal for women than he’s reputed to be.
               
Note:ALTRO AGGIORNAMENTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
IF YOU WANT TO DRASTICALLY IMPROVE A CHILD’S LIFE, ADOPT FROM THE THIRD WORLD
               
Note:Tttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
Suppose, however, that you yearn to transform a child’s life. Is there any effective way to do it?
               

Note | Page: 87
LO SCONTENTO CHE VUOLE PLASMARE...

Yellow highlight | Page: 87
Adopt from the Third World—from lands where poverty, disease, illiteracy, and oppression stifle human flourishing.
               
Note:L ARGILLA PIÚ MALLEABILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT
               
Note:Ttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
The Nurture Assumption by Judith Harris.
               
Note:UN LIBRO CHE MI HA INFLUENZATO

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
People sometimes ask me, “So you mean it doesn’t matter how I treat my child?” They never ask, “So you mean it doesn’t matter how I treat my husband or wife?” and yet the situation is similar. I don’t expect that the way I act toward my husband is going to determine what kind of person he will be ten or twenty years from now.
               
Note:PERCHÈ TRAYTARE CON CURA UNA XSONA? IL FUTURO NN È TUTTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
Twin and adoption studies confirm that parents have a noticeable effect on how kids experience and remember their childhood.
               
Note:UN RICORDO INDELEBILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
This knowledge should inspire every parent.
               
Note:Cccccccccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
When my sons and I read A Series of Unfortunate Events, I don’t imagine that I’m boosting their adult IQ or reading ability. The point is to enjoy the stories and take away fond memories of our time together.
               
Note:ENJOY INSIEME

Yellow highlight | Page: 88
Today, similarly, many believe that they have to raise their kids to be tough and competitive in a tough, competitive world. From this perspective, too much kindness is dangerous;
               
Note:L EQUIVOCO

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
Treating kids harshly “for their own good,” in contrast, doesn’t pay off.
               
Note:DISCIPLINA SÌ....MA FINALIZZATA ALLA BUONA CONVIVENZA NN ALLA BUONA EDUCAZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
SHARE YOUR CREED, BUT DON’T EXPECT MIRACLES
               
Note:Ttttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
Parents’ other major legacies are their effects on religious denomination and political party.
               
Note:ALTRO AMBITO DI INFLUENZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
realize that your religious and political influence is superficial.
               
Note:MA ATTENZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
DON’T WRITE OFF YOUR TEENS
               
Note:Tttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
Parents affect juvenile antisocial behavior (for both sexes) and sexual behavior (girls only).
               
Note:INTERVENTI DI FATTO....NN RELATIVI AL CARAYTERE

Yellow highlight | Page: 89
You might also try to discourage smoking, drinking, and drug use.
               
Note:Cccccccccccc

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
HAVE MORE KIDS
               
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
If every child’s future hinged on massive parental investment, fear of large families would be understandable.
               
Note:NELLA VISIONE TRADIZIONALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
Since parental investment is overrated, however, good kids—kids you can be proud of—are much cheaper than they seem.
               
Note:VISIONE OPPOSTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
Yes, the Korean adoption study provides solid evidence that kids who grow up in bigger families are slightly less successful.
               
Note:ANCHE QS È VERO

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
the downside is tiny.
               
Note:RISPETTO AL FATTO DI AVERE UN BIMBO IN PIÙ

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
A CLOSING PRAYER
               
Note:Tttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 90
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
               
Note:SERENITY...LA PREGHIERA DEL BUON GENITORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 92
Reinhold Niebuhr’s
               

Yellow highlight | Page: 92
Twin and adoption research has given parents the answers they need.
               
Note:LA FONTE DELLA SAGGEZZA

Yellow highlight | Page: 92
Not only do I feel better about my life, but I can also take the physical and emotional energy I’ve conserved and make it count. That might mean taking my kids to the pool. It might mean showing extra patience for a marathon of curious questions about The Lord of the Rings. Or it might mean that my wife and I will decide that there is room in our lives to welcome another child.
               

Note | Page: 92
REINVESTIRE LE ENERGIE RISPARMIATE...ANCORA SUI FIGLI

FAMIGLIA DEGENERE

FAMIGLIA DEGENERE

Si preoccupa del futuro dei figli trascurando il presente.


Purtroppo i genitori incidono poco sul futuro dei figli e molto sul loro presente.

HL Parents have been spanking children for millennia. Here’s why they were wrong. Brian Resnick

Parents have been spanking children for millennia. Here’s why they were wrong.

Brian Resnick

Citation (APA): Resnick, B. (2016). Parents have been spanking children for millennia. Here’s why they were wrong. [Kindle Android version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com

---

Parte introduttiva

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 2

Parents have been spanking children for millennia. Here’s why they were wrong. By Brian Resnick

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 7

Elizabeth Gershoff

Nota - Posizione 7

DA SEMPRE SI CHIEDE SE LE BOTTE FACCIANO BENE

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 7

"As far [back] as we have written records, people have been hitting children,"

Nota - Posizione 8

PRATICA ETERNA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 10

45 percent of parents in the United States

Nota - Posizione 10

OGGI ANCORA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 16

"no evidence that spanking is associated with improved child behavior."

Nota - Posizione 16

METASTUDIO

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 17

increased aggression, increased anti-social behavior, and mental health problems

Nota - Posizione 17

IPOTESI DI ASSOCIAZIONE

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 18

The size of these negative effects are small,

Nota - Posizione 18

MA...

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 18

no proof that spanking specifically caused these behaviors

Nota - Posizione 18

NN FANNO NJEANCHE MALE

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 20

it's also possible that "bad" children are just spanked more, and are also generally more aggressive and anti-social

Nota - Posizione 20

QUI NIENTE RT...CHIARO?

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 28

parents think it works. And they think it works because it gets an immediate reaction

Nota - Posizione 28

XCHÈ LE LEGNATE?

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 30

other reason is that they were raised with spanking

Nota - Posizione 30

IPOTESI EREDITÀ

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 33

might be a mild form, but spanking is a form of violence. The violence changes the relationship.

Nota - Posizione 33

XCHÈ LE BOTTE NN FUNZIONANO?.…IMHO: ANCHE TRATTENERE IL BIMBO CHE VA IN STRADA È UNA FORMA DI VIOLENZA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 35

"you can hit to get what you want,"

Nota - Posizione 35

LA LEZIONE IMPARATA DAL BAMBINO...IMO: E IL CONTESTO CON LA REGOLA VIOLATA?

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 38

the effect size of spanking was .25 (a smallish effect). And the effect size of abuse was .38

Nota - Posizione 38

EFFETTO SULLA VITA FUTURA...UN CONTINUM

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 41

If spanking works, it would be the opposite of abuse.

Nota - Posizione 42

IL CONTINUM PROVA L INEFFICACIA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 43

How do researchers generally study this link

Nota - Posizione 43

Ttttttt

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 44

We have to ask parents how often they do it.

Nota - Posizione 44

METODO INTERVISTA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 44

you find out things about the child's behavior

Nota - Posizione 45

SECONDO PASSO

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 45

Then you use statistics to see how related

Nota - Posizione 45

TERZO PASSO ......IMO: METODO INAFFIDABILE SENZA GEMELLI E ADOTTATI!!!!!!!!

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 48

people who say this data just show correlation rather than causation?

Nota - Posizione 48

IL DUBBIO

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 49

if— in the real world— spanking was good for kids, some of these studies should have found that and found an effect in the other direction.

Nota - Posizione 49

RISOSTA AI DUBBIOSI...SOLO UNO STUDIO VA IN DIREZIONE OPPOSTA...IMO: LE BOTTE POTREBBERO LIMITARE I DANNI ANZICHÈ DARE BENEFICI

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 52

There are so many children who have been spanked, and a lot of them are just fine.

Nota - Posizione 52

TANTO X NN INGENERARE SENSI DI COLPA

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 54

I think I turned out okay despite being spanked.

Nota - Posizione 55

MA.....

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 56

I don't think we learn to be good people who care about others by being hit.

Nota - Posizione 56

IMO...OK MA CI SONO MOLTI ALTRI VALORI

Evidenzia ( giallo) - Posizione 63

If the goal is to teach children to behave, the most important thing is to teach.

Nota - Posizione 64

ALTERNATIVA ALLE BOTTE?

*****

IMO: direi di confrontare qs articolo con il capitolo sulla disciplina su selfish dove si dice: 1. il benessere dei bimbi non è l'unico obbiettivo (c'è anche quello degli altri) 2. per il rispetto delle regole le punizioni funzionano (regola delle tre C), strano che qui non funzionino 3 ricorda sempre: chi ha i denti non ha il pane e viceversa (i figli più problematici sono curati da chi non sa dosare regole e punizione): non sorprende che una punizione delicata come le botte non funzioni. Detto questo, direi che le conclusioni di selfish, a guardar bene, sono compatibili con l'articolo che dice di non poter provare la dannosità delle botte.

STRESS PASSIVO

Riccardo Mariani

Adesso · 

Amazon

 · 

STRESS PASSIVO

Quando si tratta di accudire un figlio, ben peggio del fumo passivo è lo stress passivo: una mamma stressata, magari perché vuole essere perfetta e conciliare tutto, rovina la casa; talvolta una mamma manchevole ma rilassata è da preferire. Forse è così che va interpretata la massima: "se la mamma non è felice, nessuno in casa è felice".
#Amazon

AMAZON.COM

Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think

We've needlessly turned parenting into an unpleasant chore. Parents invest more time and money in their kids than ever, but the shocking lesson of twin and adoption research is that upbringing is much less important than genetics in the long run. These revelations have surprising implications for...