Robert Epstein Arranged Marriage
Citation (APA): firstname.lastname@example.org. (2017). Robert Epstein Arranged Marriage [Kindle Android version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com
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Why Arranged Marriages Work:
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people can learn how to love,
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science can help us fall in love.
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In Indian culture for example, they say, “First comes marriage, then comes love.”
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it is possible to build love.
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for decades western researchers have been studying processes in which emotional bonds are created. In the laboratory, you can actually get two total strangers to suddenly like each other or even love each other in just a few minutes by putting them through various exercises.
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LA COSTRUZIONE DELL AMORE
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We can do A and B all the way up to Z and be very deliberate about building love in our relationships.
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The Power of Commitment
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no one’s ever looked at how love arises in arranged marriages. We do know that when it does arise it might even be more stable than the kind of love that emerges in love marriages.
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L AMORE COSYRUITO È PIÙ STABILE
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In the love marriages, there’s a lot of love at first, but then it weakens over time. In arranged marriages, there’s not that much love at first, but it tends to grow over time, and it surpasses the love in the love marriages about five years out. Ten years out it’s twice as strong.
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DINAMCA DEL MATRIMONIO D AMORE E DI QUELLO ARRANGIATO
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commitment is a factor that seems most responsible for the growth of love. That has to mean real commitment, not the kind we so often make in our marriages here,
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È L IMPEGNO IL PROPELLENTE DELL AMORE
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Real commitment meaning, “I’m really going to be with you through thick and thin, through sickness and in health.”
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PERCHÈ CHI COABITA DIVORZIA PIÙ SPESSO? PERCHÈ HA MENO SENSO DELL IMPEGNO. È MENO COINVOLTO
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the reason commitment is so powerful in creating an emotional bond is because it’s the ultimate expression of vulnerability. When you make a strong commitment to be with someone no matter what, what you’re saying is, “I am entirely vulnerable to you. No matter what is happening, I will be there for you.” And if two people are making that kind of expression of commitment to each other, that brings people very close,
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È LA VULNERABILITÀ CHE CI SPINGE AD AMARE
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IL DESTINO UNISCE
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Keeping Expectations Realistic
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Close to 50 percent of first marriages fail. Two thirds of second marriages fail, and almost three-quarters of third marriages fail. Practice doesn’t help us, apparently.
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FALLIMENTO CHIAMA FALLIMENTO. BLOCCARE ALLA SORGENTE
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we’re so blinded with love at first, we really don’t know the person we’re marrying.
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L AMORE ACCECA. NN ANDARE DOVE TI PORTA IL CUORE
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Arranged marriages usually take place in religious environments, with people of the same faith, and they know that they’re going to get married because they want to have children, they expect love to grow in the family context and they’re often not overly fantasizing about what it’s all supposed to look like.
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L AMORED PROGAMMATO È PIÙ REALISTICO
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they have role models around them.
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they have the support from that religious community or cultural niche that they’re in.
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[One survey said that] in India, roughly 90 percent of the people were arranged, and the country had one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, even though divorce was legal there.
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I do think we can learn a lot from what happens in successful arranged marriages.
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NN SI TRATTA DI PROGRAMMARE I MATRIMONI MA DI SCOPRIRE UN SEGRETO
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Marriage: An Adventure in Getting To Know Each Other
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Eastern Practices vs. Western Practices
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We didn’t adopt the religion, the culture– we adopted the practices. I think we can learn from successful arranged marriages and adopt the practices.
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LE TECNICHE X AMARE
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I focused on what I call the “last form of empowerment for women,” because women have made a lot of progress in education and in the work domain, but still are victims to fairytales and fantasies that end up hurting them and their families.
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VITTIME DELLA FIABA
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We have to use our heads more than we have been using, not just our heart and certainly not just our reproductive organs.
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We have to be open to the idea that we can take control over what happened, that we can not only be in love but that we can build love, make love stronger over time.
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