HL 1 YOU COUNT TOO: A COMMONSENSE GUIDE TO HAPPIER PARENTING

1 YOU COUNT TOO: A COMMONSENSE GUIDE TO HAPPIER PARENTING
Note:I genitori sono consumatori + soddisfatti (meno rimorsi) dei non genitori ma questi ultimi sono leggermente + feliciLa cura dei bimbi è un lavoro (che preferiamo al vero lavoro)Oggi i genitori sorvegliano e intrattengono molto + che in passato. Ma serve? Più tempo dedicato oggi che nei mitici anni 50 del w la mammaCome semplificare: imparare a dire no e ad accettare i no del bambino (non voglio fare karate)Sonno: metodo feber. Distingue il disturbo dalla normale contrattazioneAttività. Tv e videogiochiVacanze: stayvacationDisciplina: ripensare alla giustificazione. Le 3 CSupervisione: trucchetti (la skenazy è una miniera)Ricoprire i problemi col denaro. Pagare i figli? Medita: i ricchi sono + soddisfatti dei povri della loro attività di genitoriSecondhand stress

Note | Page: 13

1@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Yellow highlight | Page: 13

nice people say, “Your lives are going to change,” with a knowing grin.
Note:QUANDO ANNUNCI UN BIMBO IN ARRIVO

Yellow highlight | Page: 13

Some evidence suggests that kids make people slightly less satisfied

Yellow highlight | Page: 13

slightly less satisfied
Note:DIPENDE DA COME CHIEDO

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

PARENTS: HOW ARE THEY DOING?
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

Is parenthood good for you? The simple stubborn answer is, “It must be; otherwise people wouldn’t do it.”
Note:SE SOFFRI TE LO SEI VOLUTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

you only need to find out whether he bought it.
Note:SODDISFAZIONE...PREFERENZA RIVELATA

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

check the customer satisfaction of people like you.
Note:IL MODO MIGLIORE X VALUTARE LA FELICITÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

end up with buyer’s remorse?
Note:LA DOMANDA DA FARSI

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

buyer’s remorse was awfully rare.
Note:VERDETTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 14

91 percent of parents said they would have children all over again. Only 7 percent said they wouldn’t.
Note:91/7

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

survey finds that nonbuyer’s remorse is common.

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

nonbuyer’s remorse is common.
Note:INVECE

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

Over two-thirds of the people without kids confessed regret.
Note:2/3

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

Even parents of unplanned children often confess, “I can’t imagine my life without them.” The magic of not having kids, in contrast, is elusive.
Note:ANCHE I NON VOLUTI!!

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

OVERALL HAPPINESS
Note:tttttttttttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

customer satisfaction isn’t everything. There’s also happiness—how people feel about their lives.
Note:FELICITA' E SODDISFAZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

On the surface, people with kids are indeed happier than those without. On closer look, however, parenthood is slightly depressing.
Note:GLI STUDI PARLANO CHIARO

Yellow highlight | Page: 15

The negative effect of kids on happiness is robust but small.
Note:INFELICITA'...MA PICCOLE

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

If you’re married with children, you’re far more likely to be happy than if you’re single and childless.

Note | Page: 16

TUTTO COMPENSATO DALLA FELICITA' DELLA VITA CONIUGALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

The main hit to parental happiness comes from child number one.
Note:DOPO IL PRIMO I PROBLEMI SFUMANO

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

“There are many things in a parent’s life that bring great joy. For example, spending time away from their children.”
Note:SCHERZETTO DI ARTHUR BROOKS PER ESSERE FELICI

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

MOMENTARY HAPPINESS
Note:TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

Can you trust what people say about their overall happiness?
Note:LA SOLITA DOMANDA SULLA FELICITA'

Yellow highlight | Page: 16

Instead of asking subjects how they feel overall, they ask them how they spent their day, and how each of their activities made them feel.
Note:IL TRUCCO PIU' COMUNE PER AGGIRARE L'OSTACOLO

Yellow highlight | Page: 17

Daniel Kahneman
Note:L'ISPIRATORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 18

child care comes in twelfth out of sixteen activities, and easily beats the most time-consuming activity of the day—working.
Note:LA CURA E' MESSA MALE MA TRA LE ATTIVITA' CHE CI IMPEGNANO E' MESSA BENE...PIUTTOSTO CHE LAVORARE

Yellow highlight | Page: 18

women enjoy taking care of their children more than working outside the home.
Note:IL MESSAGGIO CENTRALE DI KAHNEMAN... DI SOLITO SI PARLA SOLO DEI BIMBI

Yellow highlight | Page: 18

Daniel Gilbert
Note:LA DURA REALTA' DI ESSERE GENITORI

Yellow highlight | Page: 18

The not-so-harsh reality is that parents are far better off than nonparents by the standard of customer satisfaction, and only slightly worse off by the standard of personal happiness.
Note:SINTESI

Yellow highlight | Page: 19

TOIL AND TROUBLE: A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF TODAY’S TYPICAL PARENT
Note:TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 19

Entertaining myself was my job, not hers.
Note:IERI L'IMPEGNO DI DIVERTIRE I PROPRI FIGLI NON ESISTEVA... OGGI SE UN FIGLIO SI ANNOIA CI SI SENTE COLPEVOLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 19

modern parents spend an incredible amount of time taking care of their kids.
Note:SEMPRE ADDOSSO...SEMPRE CON LORO

Yellow highlight | Page: 19

Since 1965, when the average dad did only three hours of child care per week,
Note:IERI

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

Today’s mom spends more time taking care of children than she did in the heyday of the stay-at-home mom.
Note:PARADOSSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

ten hours a week
Note:1965

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

thirteen hours a week.
Note:2000

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

One pattern hasn’t changed: Stay-at-home moms spend more time with their kids than working moms. However, both kinds of moms try harder than they used to.
Note:SINTESI

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

By the standards of the Sixties, modern dads do enough child care to pass for moms—and
Note:MAMMI...PER GLI STANDARD ANNI SESSANTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 20

Kid time has crowded out couple time:

Yellow highlight | Page: 21

HOW TO BE A HAPPIER PARENT: A PRIMER
Note:TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 21

Modern parenting has turned kids into a heavy burden. But it’s not kids that changed; it’s us!
Note:LA TESI

Yellow highlight | Page: 21

(“I’m not your chauffeur”).
Note:MI DICEVA MIO PAPA'

Yellow highlight | Page: 21

Why can’t parents learn to say no, or at least learn to take no for an answer?
Note:DIRE NO

Yellow highlight | Page: 22

Before you do something for your child, try asking yourself three questions. 1. Do I enjoy it? 2. Does my child enjoy it? 3. Are there any long-run benefits?
Note:LE TRE DOMANDE

Yellow highlight | Page: 22

Sleep deprivation is new parents’ leading complaint.
Note:UN DRAMMA

Yellow highlight | Page: 22

Normally, though, the root cause of sleeplessness is overparenting.
Note:TESI

Yellow highlight | Page: 22

Sleep is a negotiation. We want sleep, while the baby wants attention.
Note:UN PO' DI ECONOMIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 23

“systematic ignoring.” It works, but it’s harsh.
Note:LA SOLUZIONE RADICALE

Yellow highlight | Page: 23

The Ferber method—let the child cry for a few minutes,
Note:IL METODO

Yellow highlight | Page: 23

If you want better than livable, you’ll mandate regular naps until your kids are old enough to quietly entertain themselves for an hour.
Note:PISOLINI DIURNI

Yellow highlight | Page: 23

parents who take their own interests into account will retain a daily nap for a year or two more than their child needs.
Note:SE TI PRENDI IN CONSIDERAZIONE SCEGLIERAI PER IL MEGLIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

ACTIVITIES
Note:TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

kids’ activities are a time pit for parents.
Note:GLI AUTISTI DEI BIMBI

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

Chauffeuring kids

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

parents often reluctantly admit that their kids don’t even enjoy their activities.
Note:DIFFICILE AMMETTERLO MA VERO

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

A crucial step to happier parenting is to abandon “recreation” enjoyed by neither parent nor child.
Note:FALLO!!!!

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

skip a class.
Note:BIGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

“What are my kids supposed to do with all their extra free time?”
Note:IL DUBBIO CHE VIENE

Yellow highlight | Page: 24

Kids have plenty of wholesome stay-at-home options.
Note:I BIMBI HANNO MOLTE RISORSE

Yellow highlight | Page: 25

Electronic babysitters are a vital component of cultural literacy.
Note:NON DEMONIZZIAMO LA TV

Yellow highlight | Page: 25

My wife and I don’t let ours watch more than an hour or two a day, because we don’t want them to miss out on the other joys of childhood.
Note:IL GUAIO DELLA TV

Yellow highlight | Page: 25

Family vacations are another nightmare for millions of parents. Why pay thousands of dollars for the worst week of your year?
Note:ALTRO DRAMMA

Yellow highlight | Page: 25

Fewer days and shorter distances would improve most family vacations,
Note:SOLUZIONE: BREVI E VICINE

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

If you insist on family bonding, try a “staycation.”
Note:ANCORA MEGLIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

enjoy your regional attractions—then
Note:CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Note | Page: 26

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

DISCIPLINE

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

Parents have always made excuses for discipline: “This is for your own good.”
Note:PER IL TUO BENE....NO...PER IL TUO CARO PAPÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

Benefit to the child is almost the only socially acceptable justification for discipline.
Note:PURTROPPO

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

parents use a lot less discipline than they would
Note:ESITO

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

I can’t forget the day I saw a father allow his five-year-old daughter to punch and kick him.
Note:PAPÀ PRESI A SBERLE...TERRIBILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

She knew that different people have different rules—and
Note:IL PROBLEMA NN È IL BENESSERE DELLA BAMBINA...LEI IMPARERÁ PRESTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

The welfare of the child is one legitimate goal. If your toddler runs into the street, zero tolerance really is for his own good.
Note:PRIMO...IL BENESSERE DEI FIGLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 26

to keep the child from abusing the people around him—and no one is more susceptible to a child’s abuse than his own parents.
Note:SECONDA FUNZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

wisdom of the ages: Clarity, Consistency, and Consequences. Adopt firm rules, clearly explain the penalties for breaking the rules, and impose promised penalties to the letter.
Note:COME IMPOSTARE...CCC...CHIAREZZA...COERENZA (NO ECCEZIONI E DOPPI STANDARD...CONSEGUENZE (PUNZIONE IMMEDIATA)

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

there is solid experimental evidence in its favor.
Note:TRANQUILLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

psychologists often respond by training the parents.
Note:QUANDO I GENITORI CHIEDONO AIUTO X DOMARE LE PESTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

dozens of experiments
Note:PER VEDERE SE FUNZIONA

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

You randomly train some,
Note:RTC

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

80 percent
Note:DIFFERENZA COL GRUPPO DI CONTROLLO

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

The main weakness of the training is parental backsliding:
Note:PURTROPPO

Yellow highlight | Page: 27

Kids quickly discover that different people have different rules.
Note:NN PREOCCUPAYEVI SE LA NONNA LI VIZIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

You can scare kids straight by credibly threatening to take away one night’s TV or one dinner’s dessert.
Note:ORGANIZZARSI CON I CASTIGHI

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

Supernanny, Jo Frost, punished monstrous children merely by putting them in the naughty corner—and
Note:I BIMBI RISPONDONO!

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

two minutes of mild humiliation was enough
Note:PESR RIPORTARE LA CALMA

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

If I can sharply improve my quality of life by mildly punishing my kids, I’ll do so without apology. If cruelty is the price of slightly better behavior, I’m not buying.
Note:PASSA L ANALISI CB

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

SUPERVISION
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

“Worst Mom in America,” journalist Lenore Skenazy
Note:LA PEGGIORE

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

nine-year-old son ride the New York City subway by himself.
Note:LA SUA COLPA

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

had a safe trip, enjoyed a taste of independence, and made it home in about an hour.
Note:NONOSYANTE QUESTO PASSÒ DEI GUAI

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

children can handle—and would enjoy—a lot more independence than modern parents allow.
Note:LA TESI DEL SUO LIBRO

Yellow highlight | Page: 28

More independent kids equal less parental supervision.
Note:AI NS FINI

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

gate off a small danger zone, then child-proof the rest of your home
Note:CON I PICCOLI

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

Let them use public restrooms on their own, stay home alone while you go to the store,
Note:CON I PIÙ GRANDI

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

Driving your third-grader to the store is vastly more dangerous than leaving him home without a bodyguard.
Note:ATTENTI...

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

Volunteer to watch the kids who are waiting with your own kid for soccer to start or school to open—whatever.
Note:ALTRO ESEMPIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

Think of one activity you did as a child that you are unwilling to let your own sweetheart
Note:FARNE UN PENSIERO FISSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 29

Policing kids’ books, shows, movies, and games
Note:ALTRA XDITA DI TEMPO

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

Violent movies rarely scare kids if the good guys win.)
Note:CHE SIA CHIARO

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

IN PRAISE OF THROWING MONEY AT YOUR PROBLEMS
Note:Tttttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

I spent four hours at my in-laws’ house struggling to change our Volkswagen’s oil.
Note:QUANDO MI CREDEVO UN MECCANICO

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

it never crossed my mind to take $20 out of the gift box and
Note:MANNAGGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

a failure of common sense.

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

Money can buy happiness if you spend it the right way.
Note:RICORDA

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

outsourcing your worst hours of child care can make your whole day.
Note:SE SEI STANCO STRESSATO

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

don’t need a lot of money to escape a lot of misery.
Note:DI SOLITO

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

last hours of child care are the hardest.
Note:LE PIÙ DURE

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

18 million households with the income to hire a lot of help—up
Note:REDDITI A SEI CIFRE IN USA

Yellow highlight | Page: 30

a part-time nanny will probably do more for your quality of life than a new car.
Note:BABY SITTER

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

Spend freely on take-out meals, electronic babysitters, and cleaning services;
Note:SFRUTTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

When you want your kids’ help, nag them less and reward them more.
Note:MENO TORMENTI PIÙ COMPENSI

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

a penny for every ten weeds I pulled.
Note:QUANDO ERO PICCOLO

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

Don’t pay your children for every little thing.
Note:PROGETTI AD AMPIO RESPIRO

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

“If you eat your dinner without complaining, you get dessert,”

Note | Page: 31

ES UNO

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

“You can watch TV after you clean up your toys,”
Note:ES DUE

Yellow highlight | Page: 31

If generous terms fall on deaf ears, you’re probably giving your kids too much
Note:CON UNA PAGHETTA DA 50…DIVENTA INSENSIBILE

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

only 4 percent of the richest parents regretted having children—compared to 13 percent of the poorest.
Note:GIÀ ORA FUNZIONA

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

“Don’t have kids until you are financially secure.”
Note:PER ALCUNI

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

Rich parents successfully use money to make parenting easier—and
Note:PER ME

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

PROTECTING YOUR KIDS FROM SECONDHAND STRESS
Note:Tttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

“If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Note:SACROSANTO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

Beware of sacrifices for the good of the family.
Note:COROLLARIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

On balance, your kids might be happier if you said no.
Note:PARADOSSO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

By the same logic, your child might be happier if you saw more movies alone on your way home from work.
Note:ESEMPIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

the dangers of secondhand smoke.
Note:ANALOGIA

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

secondhand stress.
Note:STRESS PASSIVO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

Secondhand stress is one of kids’ leading grievances.
Note:PURTROPPO

Yellow highlight | Page: 32

Ellen Galinsky interviewed over 1,000 kids
Note:INDAGINE CHE CONFERMA

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

More than 40 percent of kids gave their moms and dads a C, D, or F for “controlling his/her temper when I do something that makes him/her angry”—the
Note:GENITORI CHE XDONO LE STAFFE

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

FROM HAPPIER PARENTS TO BIGGER FAMILIES
Note:Tttttttttt

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

Parents put an enormous amount of time and money into their children, and in terms of happiness, they almost break even.
Note:LA PIAGA

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

response is not to give up but to rethink your strategy.
Note:RIMEDIO

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

“The first kid takes 99 percent of your free time; the second kid takes the remaining 1 percent.”
Note:UNA BARZELLETTA CON CONSEG

Yellow highlight | Page: 33

How can the second child be so much less work than the first?
Note:PERCHÈ COSÌ A BUON PREZZO?

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

much of their toil was superfluous.
Note:I GENITORI LO SCOPRONO SE COSTRETTI

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

Once you adjust the kind of parent you plan to be, you should also reconsider the number of kids you want to have.
Note:UNA VOLTA SCOPERTO IL SEGRETO DELLA FELICITÀ

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

you buy your kids at a hefty effort discount. Why not stock up?
Note:Cccccfcccf

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

In the future, your children will pay the price for your lackadaisical attitude.
Note:L OBIEZIONE

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

eighteen years of shortcuts turn your son into an unemployed dropout who spends his days playing video games in your basement,

Note | Page: 34

DESTINO

Yellow highlight | Page: 34

The best available evidence shows that large differences in upbringing have little effect on how kids turn out. While healthy, smart, happy, successful, virtuous parents tend to have matching offspring, the reason is largely nature, not nurture.
Note:RISPOSTA

Yellow highlight | Page: 36

the nature-nurture question is excellent. Twin and adoption studies aren’t quite as good as controlled laboratory experiments, but many are close.
AGGIUNGO